You Can't Help Who You Fall in Love With
by E. Limberg
Summary: Stella loves Mac, but he doesn't seem to notice. After getting no response from Mac even after voicing her feelings, she starts dating the firefighter. But things get complicated when Mac does tell her how he feels. But will they be able to date? MS.
1. Bleeding Love

**You Can't Help Who You Fall in Love With**

**Chapter 1: Bleeding Love**

"_Closed off from love_

_I didn't need the pain_

_Once or twice was enough_

_And it was all in vain_

_Time starts to pass_

_Before you know it you're frozen"_

"I, uh… heard you had a date the other night," Mac cautiously brings the topic up.

"Where did you hear that?"

"Flack and Danny were talking about it when I walked into the room. They said he was a fireman I believe."

Stella looks at the ground, "He's just a friend. And he asked me to go out for a drink with him."

"So you won't be seeing him again?"

"He was just flirting with me about the baseball game. If he asks to go out for drinks again, I might go. But it's like you and me going out… we're just friends."

"Does he know that?"

"What's with all the questions?" she frowns at him.

"I… just don't want you to end up in another bad relationship."

"He's clean, Mac. I did a background check. But I still have no interest in him."

"Knowing you you also did a background check on Frankie. And you did one on Drew. And both of them turned out to be…"

"Crazy."

He nods slowly. "I…"

"Mac, maybe you shouldn't believe all the rumors you hear. I'll tell you when I'm dating again. And if you insist, I'll even let you meet him."

"If you think he's okay, then I believe you. Go home; you've spent enough time here," he gently urges.

"Good night, Mac." Before heading out the door, she turns back to him. "You know there's only one man I could ever love."

By the time he looks up from his paperwork to ask she is gone.

"_But something happened_

_For the very first time with you_

_My heart melts into the ground_

_Found something true_

_And everyone's looking round_

_Thinking I'm going crazy"_

"So… how is your case going?" she asks, seating herself on top of his desk directly in front of him.

"Okay. Yours?" he stands, uncomfortable with her so close.

"Almost done. We're just waiting for Adam to finish with the DNA to confirm our suspect's confession."

"What did you come in here for?"

"Can't I just come visit you?"

He frowns at her, "No."

"Now that you brought it up… can we trade shifts Friday?" she tries to act innocent.

"You have plans?"

"Brendon asked me to go to some dinner thing with him… I told him I'd see if I could switch shifts so I could go."

"And Brendon is…?" his frown deepens in thought.

"The firefighter," she helps him out.

"The one you're not dating?"

"Yes."

"What is this dinner for?"

She shrugs, "I think it's their annual Christmas party… which reminds me ours is in a few weeks. Did you find yourself a date this year?" For the past few years, his bosses always teased him about not bringing a date.

He shakes his head.

"I don't have a date yet either."

"You're not asking Brendon?"

"We're not dating."

"I get the feeling he doesn't know this…"

"What, he can't ask me to do things with him as friends?"

"I guess I can switch shifts."

"Thanks, Mac," she slides off the desk and kisses his cheek before leaving.

"_But I don't care what they say_

_I'm in love with you_

_They try to pull me away_

_But they don't know the truth_

_My heart's crippled by the vein_

_That I keep on closing_

_You cut me open and I"_

"I heard you guys had a pretty bad case today," Brendon says as they dance.

"Yeah… this mother couldn't deal with her kids anymore so she burnt the house down with them inside it, planning to use the insurance money to start a new life."

"Where was the father?"

"They were divorced. She had custody of them… but you know how that situation is. She didn't really want them but didn't want him to have them."

"I haven't heard you talk about Mac lately…"

Stella sighs, "He's still clueless."

"If he doesn't notice you, maybe you should just give up and find someone new."

"Oh, he notices me… just not in that way."

"Stel, you deserve someone who treats you right. He doesn't even realize that you like him."

"He can be so oblivious at times… Maybe we are better off as just friends."

"You look beautiful tonight," Brendon compliments.

She frowns at him, "What makes you think you stand a chance if I give up on Mac?"

"Because I know you're guarded… and it takes time for you to let someone in. And you've obviously let me in or we wouldn't be doing this right now."

"We're dancing… that's not much."

"Maybe you just need to make him jealous," he suggests.

"No, if he's sees me with another guy, he'll just think I'm happy and don't like him. Besides, he already thinks we're dating, and he doesn't seem to be jealous."

"Maybe he doesn't think he has any competition."

"Look, give me until our Christmas party to keep trying. If it doesn't work, then maybe I'll give you a chance."

"_Keep bleeding_

_Keep, keep bleeding love_

_I keep bleeding_

_I keep, keep bleeding love_

_Keep bleeding_

_Keep, keep bleeding love_

_You cut me open"_

"How'd your not date go?" Mac asks as he meets up with her in the hall the next morning.

"Fine. How was work?"

"Uneventful. Apparently people found something better to do on a Friday night than kill each other."

She smiles, "So what do we have today?"

"Danny and Lindsay have a body found just outside the park, Sheldon is off, and you and I are going to are going to the theater." She gives him a curious look. "Apparently someone didn't like the show last night and killed the leading actress."

"Maybe her understudy thought she could do a better job."

"Stel," he puts a hand on her arm to stop her, "I need to talk to you. I was wondering if you… maybe would want… if you could pretend to be… my date for the Christmas party. I mean… I'm still not comfortable dating and it'd just… be friends… If you aren't taking Brendon…"

"Yeah, I'll go with you. It's not a problem. I understand," she accepts, hoping this will help her find out if he likes her as more than just a friend.

"Thank you, Stella. I'll meet you at my car in five minutes, okay?"

"Yeah," she starts to walk off, looking over her shoulder at him and smiling. She runs straight into a door.

"_Trying hard not to hear_

_But they talk so loud_

_Their piercing sounds fill my ears_

_Try to fill me with doubt_

_Yet I know that the goal_

_Is to keep me from falling"_

"How's your head?"

"It still hurts," she turns to look at him.

"I'm sorry I distracted you," Mac gently rests his hands on her head to study the bruise that is forming.

She hopes he doesn't notice her reddened cheeks. "It's my fault. I should have been paying attention to where I was going."

"Your fireman will probably think I hit you or something."

"No, he's working today so he'll probably be sleeping most of tomorrow, and I won't see him. Besides, why would he care?"

"Because his girlfriend has a big bruise on her forehead and he'll want to know what man did this to her."

"He's not my boyfriend, Mac. How many times do I have to tell you?"

"Well, if he's your friend, he'll still ask how it got there. I would be angry at the person who did that to you."

"He'll understand." Stella turns back to her evidence.

"You can go around telling everyone I hit you with a door because you weren't doing your work. Maybe that'll frighten them into doing more work instead of gossiping."

"No, it wouldn't. They know you'd never hurt me, Mac. At least not on purpose."

"Are you sure you don't want to go home and rest? Or put some ice on it?"

"I'm okay. Besides, the case is just starting to get exciting."

He looks curiously at her, "What did you find?"

"_But nothing's greater than the risk that comes with your embrace_

_And in this world of loneliness_

_I see your face_

_Yet everyone around me_

_Thinks that I'm going crazy_

_Maybe, maybe"_

"Hey, Stel, I was just going to grab something to – What the hell happened to you?" Lindsay gasps.

"I ran into a door. Mac's fault, or that's what he wants me to tell everyone. He said that I wasn't working hard enough so he hit me with the door," she smirks.

"He didn't really, did he?"

"No, I was walking down the hall and turned my head back to look at him and… wham, right into the door."

"If you don't mind me asking, what's going on with you guys? I saw you… kiss his cheek the other day."

"Why don't we talk about it over lunch?" Stella says, and they get into the elevator.

Once they are seated in the diner, the younger woman starts asking questions. "What happened to the firefighter? Are you and Mac going out?"

"The firefighter and I are just friends… for now. I… I love someone else, but he… doesn't seem to pick up on it I guess."

"Mac?"

She hesitates, "Yeah."

"So what's this 'for now' stuff?"

"I… I don't know why but I just opened up to this guy when he asked me to get a drink with him. He knows… about Mac and respects that, but I think he's kind of getting… anxious since nothing is happening with Mac and me. I know he'd… definitely ask me out on a real date if I told him I was over Mac, and he seems like a nice guy and all… of course I thought that about Frankie too so…"

"So why not just go out with this guy? If something goes wrong, you'll still have Mac. And Mac isn't responding to your flirting it seems."

"I told him if nothing happened with Mac before the Christmas party I'd let him… ask me out I guess."

"Then stick to your plan," Lindsay advises. "You and Mac are close, and if you do start something and it doesn't work, you'll lose him. I don't want to see you two lose each other. Just give this firefighter a chance. Besides, if he's a fireman, he can't be that bad looking."

"_But I don't care what they say_

_I'm in love with you_

_They try to pull me away_

_But they don't know the truth_

_My heart's crippled by the vein_

_That I keep on closing_

_You cut me open and I"_

"Adam got a match in CODIS on the DNA you collected from the victim's clothes. You want to come with me to question him?" Mac approaches her as she and Lindsay get off the elevator.

"Sure. See you later, Lindsay," she gets back on the elevator with Mac.

A few floors down a mother and son get on. "I want to push the button," the boy says, proceeding to push almost every single floor on the panel.

"Joshua, now we're going to stop on every floor before we get to the bottom," she scolds, then turns to Mac and Stella. "I'm sorry if this inconveniences you."

"It's okay," Mac says, sighing.

After about the third stop the elevator makes, the mother says, "Forget it. We're taking the stairs." She and her son exit.

"Twenty-six stops to go," Mac glances at his partner. "Is something wrong?"

Stella looks up at him. "I'm not a big fan of elevators. I know, hard to believe since I've lived in New York my whole life."

"You've never seemed this tense in one before."

"It's the starting and stopping. Normally we only have one or two stops before we get off." She leans back against the wall. "One time my foster mother and sister and I went shopping, and the elevator stopped working in between floors while we were inside of it. They blamed me since I was standing closest to the buttons."

"We can take the stairs if you want."

"No, walking down twenty flights of stairs isn't going to happen."

He slowly comes over to her and takes her hand. She squeezes his hand to say thanks.

"_Keep bleeding_

_Keep, keep bleeding love_

_I keep bleeding_

_I keep, keep bleeding love_

_Keep bleeding_

_Keep, keep bleeding love_

_You cut me open"_

Brendon puts her drink down in front of her before sitting across from her. "So… I asked you to my Christmas party. Why haven't you asked me to yours yet? I've always wondered if they serve doughnuts since cops are supposed to love them."

"No, they do not," she frowns at him. "And I can't exactly go with two men."

"He asked you?"

"Yes, but only as friends. Just so his boss doesn't make fun of him again for not having a date. And then I ran into the door."

He laughs at her clumsiness, having already teased her about the bruise on her head. "What's the boss going to think when he shows up with his partner?"

"I didn't think about that," Stella takes a sip of her drink. "It's not like we're actually dating anyway. To be honest, I'm not sure if there's even a rule about dating coworkers."

"Didn't you say that two of the other CSIs were going out?"

"Yeah… but they're on the same level. Mac is technically my boss so…"

"You can't date him. Just let me ask you out on a date. With real food, not just drinks."

"Brendon, there's still a week and a half before the Christmas party. And I don't think any of the others really know that much about my personal life or Mac's. So we could probably get away with it… Well, Lindsay knows I like him, but she wouldn't have to know if we started dating."

"And which one of you would get fired if anyone found out about this?"

"Probably Mac… Sinclair wants him gone anyway. Or both of us since Mac and I are best friends."

"Stella, just be careful. You know I'll treat you just as good as he will. But if you'd rather have him…" the firefighter stands up. "Can I get you another drink?"

"No, thanks, I can't have a headache at work tomorrow."

"_And it's draining all of me_

_Oh, they find it hard to believe_

_I'll be wearing these scars_

_For everyone to see"_

"Mac, what color shirt are you going to wear Saturday to the party?" Stella hands him her completed case file.

"Why does it matter?" he adds it to the pile sitting on his desk.

"If we're going together, we have to match."

"You haven't bought your dress yet?"

"I bought a red one and a green one since I didn't know what you were wearing."

"Well, what if my shirt is dark green and your dress is emerald green?" he asks, not seeing why they had to match.

"Fine, would you rather I wear the green one or the red one?" she shakes her head at him.

"I don't know… green I guess."

"Okay, then you wear a red shirt. Now we have both colors covered."

"Should I wear a green tie too?"

"No, Mac, no tie."

"Stella, it's a formal party. I have too."

"Danny never wears a tie. You don't need to."

"Does Danny have to talk to Sinclair and the commissioner?" he points out.

"Like they really care if you wear a tie to the Christmas party."

He stares at her for a moment. "Stel, why are you making such a big deal out of this? You're just doing me a favor and accompanying me as a friend. It's not a life and death situation if we don't match."

"I guess not," she concedes. "I just kind of miss… having a date and making sure our colors don't clash."

"Start dating again, Stella. You'll find the right guy eventually."

"I already found him," she smiles sadly and leaves his office.

"_I don't care what they say_

_I'm in love with you_

_They try to pull me away_

_But they don't know the truth_

_My heart's crippled by the vein_

_That I keep on closing_

_You cut me open and I"_

"I don't know. I'm beginning to think he doesn't feel anything."

"He must, Stella. Why'd he ask you to go to the party with him?" Brendon tries to comfort her.

"Because he's comfortable around me, and we're friends. He wasn't going to ask some complete stranger to go with him."

"Maybe when he has you at his arm tomorrow he'll realize how he feels about you. Or maybe you just need to come out with it and find out."

"I've practically said it twice already. How much more obvious can I get? Besides, we may be close, but we're not going to go around with our arms linked tomorrow." Stella looks at her watch. "I've got to be at work at ten. I probably should be going."

He follows her toward the door. "I hope you have a good time tomorrow. I've got to work Sunday so… I'll call you Monday sometime to see how it went."

"Dinner was great, Brendon. Thanks."

Before she can open the door, he puts his hand on it to keep it shut. She looks back at him curiously. He leans in to kiss the corner of her mouth before she can react.

"What…?"

"Sorry," he says quickly. "I… let me know how it goes." He closes the door abruptly behind her before she has a chance to say anything.

Stella waits for the elevator, confused. _Brendon definitely wants to be more than friends; Mac… well, who knows what Mac's thinking most of the time?_

"_Keep bleeding_

_Keep, keep bleeding love_

_I keep bleeding_

_I keep, keep bleeding love_

_Keep bleeding_

_Keep, keep bleeding love_

_You cut me open and I"_

"Do you want to dance?" Mac asks quietly. Everyone else had left their table already.

"Okay," she takes his hand and lets him lead her to the dance floor.

By the time they get situated, the song is over, and a slow one begins. Keeping their hands joined, she rests her other one on his shoulder. He cautiously puts his on her waist. There is a large space between them, and it seems to her he is trying to avoid contact with her.

"Mac, is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I… I'm sorry about Sinclair. It never occurred that anyone would think that we were… dating just because I asked you to come with me."

"It's okay, Mac. We're always there for each other. And if we have to, we stand up for each other."

"You're right," he says, his eyes focused on something behind her instead of looking at her.

"Is that why you're a mile away from me?"

"I just don't want anyone else to get the wrong impression about us."

She scoots closer to him, "What happened to the Mac that never cared what anyone else thought about him? It's not like we've never danced together before. And it is just dancing… nothing more."

The song ends, and he guides her back to the table with a hand on her back. "Would you like another drink?"

"Sure."

They spend the next hour at the table, barely talking to each other, Mac getting up only to get them more to drink and Stella getting up when she was asked to dance by other men.

"Mac, do you want to dance or walk around… or talk or… just something?" she finally asks, getting frustrated and bored.

"Not really."

"_Keep bleeding_

_Keep, keep bleeding love_

_I keep bleeding_

_I keep, keep bleeding love_

_Keep bleeding_

_Keep, keep bleeding love"_

"I give up," Stella sighs in frustration. "You just can't see what's right in front of you."

"What are you talking about?" he looks over at her, confused.

"Mac… I love you. And I have for a while. Either you just don't see it, or you don't love me back."

"Stella, if this is your idea of a joke to get me to talk, I don't think it's funny."

"I'm serious, Mac. I'm in love with you."

"How much have you had to drink?"

She shakes her head, "I don't know why I've wasted my time on you."

Mac grabs her arm, "You're taking this too far. It wasn't funny before, and it's not funny now. If Sinclair hears you, we're going to be fired."

"Screw Sinclair. All I care about is you. But right now, you're being a jerk, Mac Taylor. Besides, if you got fired, you'd have all day to mope."

"Shut up, Stella. You don't know what you're saying."

"No, _you _don't. I love you." She stands up and pulls her arm from him, "I've been waiting for you to see it, Mac, but you just don't want to. If you're not going to do anything, I'm not delaying for you any longer. There are plenty of other guys out there." Without a second look at him, Stella leaves the table, heading to the door.

"What was that all about?" Danny asks, the rest of the team standing a few feet from the table in shock.

All Mac can do is stare at her as she walks out.

"_You cut me open and I_

_Keep bleeding_

_Keep, keep bleeding love"_

**A/N: This has two more chapters to it. The title kind of sucks but I couldn't think of anything beter. It'll come up in the next chapter or the following one. I plan to post the second chapter Monday and the third on Christmas Eve. Then you guys might have a break from me because I haven't written anything else. Although I have another idea I want to write that shouldn't be that difficult to do, but it'll only be one chapter. Then I might do something with this Ella girl and Mac... I wanted to do something where Mac is stalked by some woman who becomes jealous of Stella and tries to kill her... like on Bones. But I hadn't really put much thought into this woman. But since it's actually happening... I want tod know why they decided to name her Ella when they have a Stella on the show. Too confusing. This week was actually pretty good. And they fought... exciting. I don't really see how tricking this guy with fake coins is going to help when he has immunity but... I just hope she doesn't get in too much trouble. Well... my book is getting kind of exciting so I'm going to go back to reading. Please tell me what you think so far. BTW the song is "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis. Thanks.**


	2. She Never Cried in Front of Me

**Chapter 2: She Never Cried in Front of Me**

"_Seven thirty-five_

_She's someone else's wife_

_I can get on with my life_

_And that thrills me"_

Mac stands outside of her apartment building, looking up at it to see if she is home. He had made a big mistake and needs to talk to her. Although after what he had said to her, she will probably never talk to him again.

He sees that her lights are on and recounts for the third time to make sure he has the right apartment. Unsure of what to do now, he stands there for a few more minutes, weighing his options. He could go up and talk to her… or he could wait until work Monday morning… or he could just hope they could forget it ever happened and still be friends.

Finally, he enters the building and gets into the elevator. After all, what was the worst she could do to him? Tell him to go to hell and slam the door in his face?

Mac reaches in his pocket to look for the key to her apartment in case she decides to be stubborn on him. While fishing for his keys, he finds he has an extra wallet in his pocket. He pulls it out: it is Stella's. She had asked him to carry it for her to the party. _But if I have her wallet, how'd she get home?_

The elevator doors open, and he exits, walking down the hall to her door. Taking a deep breath, he raises his hand and knocks. A few moments pass before the door slowly opens.

"_She married him today_

_Her daddy gave the bride away_

_I heard a tear roll down her face_

_And that kills me_

_'Cause now I can see why_

_She's finally crying"_

"Stella," he takes in her appearance. Her eyes are red and puffy, and she refuses to look at him. "I, um, never pictured you a penguin person," he comments on her pajamas, trying to make her smile.

"I don't want to talk to you, Mac."

"I thought you might need this," he hands her her wallet. "How'd you get home?"

"I borrowed money from one of the young officers." She moves to shut the door, not in the mood to talk.

"Stel…" he puts his hand on it to keep it open. "Let me explain."

"No, I get it. You just don't love me back. It's okay," she sniffles, looking down at the ground.

"It's not like that. I…"

"Just go, Mac. Things are already tense between us. Let's not let it get any worse."

He nods, realizing she is right. He'd give it a few days to blow over before approaching her. They never stayed angry at each other for long. "I guess I'll see you Monday."

"Night, Mac," she moves to close the door.

"I'm sorry," he whispers right before the door clicks shut. He assumes she didn't hear or ignored it and is glad – he doesn't know what else to tell her. After all, he is a guy. How was he supposed to know she'd been flirting with him all along?

"_How was I supposed to know?_

_She was slowly letting go_

_If I was putting her through her hell,_

_Hell, I couldn't tell"_

Monday comes, and Stella walks right past his office without a second glance at it. He frowns; she came to see him every day when she got to work. He must have really screwed up this time.

When Stella enters the break room, Danny and Lindsay are already there. "Good morning, Stella," Danny smiles brightly at her.

"What's your problem?" she glares at him.

"Nothing. I was just… curious about what happened on Saturday evening… with Mac."

"First, Mac and I are fine. Nothing is going on between us. Second, mind your own business, Danny."

"You didn't talk to him this morning," he points out.

She is about to respond but Hawkes walks in, closely followed by the man in question.

"Lindsay and Sheldon, you are with Danny," he hands the younger man a file folder. "Stella, you're with me. Meet me by my car in ten minutes."

Once Mac is gone, Lindsay pulls Stella down the hall towards her office. "You have some serious talking to do. What's going on? You two obviously aren't okay."

"You heard our conversation the other night… he thought it was a big joke."

"You can't just not talk to him for the rest of your life."

"Obviously he can."

"Stella, you need to fix your relationship with him. You two are going to be so lost without each other… You don't have to be more than friends, but you both depend on this friendship. I mean, you've got the firefighter after all…"

"That relationship's messed up too."

"What did you even expect Mac to do? He's too clueless to realize you were flirting with him."

"_She could've given me a sign_

_And opened up my eyes_

_How was I supposed to see?_

_She never cried in front of me"_

"Are you going to ignore me forever?"

"Yes."

"We work together; we have to talk to each other. You can't do this."

"I can if I want."

"Why do you have to be so difficult, Stella?" he mutters quietly to himself.

"Me? You're the difficult one, Mac."

"I'm not the one who wants to be more than just friends. I was perfectly fine with what I had. And now… we have nothing."

"I wouldn't have had to ruin our friendship if you weren't so oblivious."

"How the hell was I supposed to know you loved me? You never said anything."

"I shouldn't have to! Most people would have gotten the hint."

"What hint?" Mac yells.

Don starts to head over to them, having finished his interview. "Hey, I've got a possible suspect -"

"I practically told you twice. And I walked into door because I was looking at you. And I kissed you too many times to count," Stella lists, holding up her fingers in counting.

"On the cheek. You've done that since Claire past away."

"I'm going to just… wait over there," Don says, slowly walking away from the arguing couple.

"Maybe I've loved you since then."

"You know what? I really don't give a damn if you love me. I'm your boss, and we can't be together without getting fired. So… go ahead and be mad at me, but I've actually done you a favor."

Furiously, Stella storms off, leaving him to process the scene alone.

"_Yeah, maybe I might've changed_

_It's hard for me to say_

_But the story's still the same_

_It's a sad one"_

Don slowly walks over to Mac after giving him some time to cool down. "Women expect too much from us sometimes."

Mac looks over at him, "She can be so frustrating at times."

"Go after her, Mac. She really cares about you."

He shakes his head, "I have a job to do right now. I'll deal with her walking away on the job later."

"Mac, you can't do that. Then you're really going to lose her."

"I just… don't know what to do."

"Do you love her?" Flack asks.

"What does that matter? She knows we can't be together in that way."

"I'm sure you two could find a way around it. Sometimes you just have to fight for what you believe."

"At this point, that doesn't even matter. There's no way she's ever going to go out with me. I thought she was trying to be funny. I didn't believe her," Mac sorrowfully looks at Stella's kit that sits on the ground next to the body.

"Yes, she will… if you get on your knees and beg her to."

"What about that firefighter? She said there were others that would be happy to go out with her if I wouldn't. I bet they've already started dating."

"You have too many excuses, Mac."

"Okay, if you're such an expert, how do I apologize?"

"_And I'll always believe_

_If she ever did cry for me_

_They were tears that you can't see_

_You know, the bad ones_

_And now I can see why_

_She's finally crying"_

"I can't believe I ever loved him," Stella rolls her eyes at the thought of Mac.

Brendon pulls her closer to him. "He'll never know what he's missing out on."

She rests her head on his shoulder. "He'll probably fire me tomorrow for leaving the crime scene."

He kisses the top of her head. "I love you, Stella."

After sitting on the couch with him for a little longer, she sits up. "I should get going. It's late, and if I wait longer, I'm going to be too tired to drive home."

"You can stay here," he offers.

"No, I… I can't go all the way across town tomorrow morning to get ready for work and then come almost all the way back here for work."

"You're welcome to stay here anytime. But if you insist… I'll let you go," he walks her to the door. Brendon holds her coat for her to put on.

"I'll see you… tomorrow?"

"Dinner?"

"Okay. Good night," she kisses his cheek.

He cups her cheek and kisses her lips, pressing her back against the door. He keeps their lips pressed together until he feels he should let her breathe. "Sure you don't want to stay?"

"Brendon…"

"I know… we have to take it slow."

"So pick me up at the lab at six?"

"Okay," he gives her one last kiss. "See you tomorrow."

"_How was I supposed to know?_

_She was slowly letting go_

_If I was putting her through her hell,_

_Hell, I couldn't tell"_

Mac knocks gently on her office door the next morning. "We should talk."

"Are you firing me?"

"No, of course not. You're an excellent CSI, Stella."

"But I left the crime scene yesterday."

"I… I'll take the blame for that. I brought the topic up, and we shouldn't have been discussing our… personal issues on the job."

"Thanks," Stella attempts at a smile.

"I, um… stopped by your apartment last night to tell you this, but you weren't there."

"I was… with Brendon."

"Oh… are you two…?"

"We're… dating I guess you'd say. Since you… don't have feelings for me and even if you did we're forbidden to be together. So… he's a nice guy… and… he agreed to take things slowly."

"As long as you're happy and he's not going to hurt you, it doesn't matter to me."

"So…"

"I guess we should get to work."

She nods, "I… I'm sorry for walking away yesterday."

"It's okay." He desperately wants to apologize for not believing her and tell her that he loves her too but holds it in. She already had found someone else… he had no chance. "I apologize for… being a lousy date at the party. I… had never thought about us… together in that way so it was kind of a surprise when Sinclair… thought we were going out. I didn't want anyone else to see us that way."

"I understand. You aren't very outgoing with your emotions and didn't want any rumors to start. Which happened anyways."

"I… yeah."

"I accept your apology."

"_She could've given me a sign_

_And opened up my eyes_

_How was I supposed to see?_

_She never cried in front of me"_

"So how'd it go with Stella?" Flack asks as the two men are on their way to interrogate a suspect.

"She… wasn't home. I… she said she was with the firefighter. And they're dating now."

"So you two are back to friends?"

Mac shrugs, "I really don't know. I told her she still had a job and that I was sorry for being a lousy date at the party… I never did say I was sorry for what I said to her."

"Well, you're at least speaking to each other."

"But it doesn't really matter anymore. We don't have a chance if she's with Brendon. I just… wish that I'd told her when she told me. I mean… we can't ever act on it, but at least she'd know…"

"So what's this firefighter like?" Don asks, not wanting his friend to be hurt again.

"I've never met him. She said she did a background check… and she trusts him so we should too. And she's been friends with him for a few months; it kind of sounds like she's almost as close to him as she is to me."

"Maybe this relationship won't work out, and you'll have a chance to tell her."

"What's the point? If we did manage to hide our relationship and it actually worked out between us, we'd never be able to get married or anything." Mac's phone rings, "Taylor."

When he hangs up, he says, "Stella said the judge wouldn't give us the warrant. She's going back to the lab."

"Mac, I still think you should tell her."

"I don't know how. How do you tell someone you love them but you can never be together?"

"_Without a doubt_

_I know now_

_How it ought to be_

_Now she's gone_

_And it's wrong_

_And it bothers me_

_Tomorrow I'll still be_

_Asking myself"_

"How was work?" Brendon asks, cutting the last of his steak.

"Okay."

"I guess you still have a job."

"Yeah." She isn't really in the mood to talk.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, I just… it was a long day, and we didn't get any closer to catching this guy."

"Oh… we can leave if you're done…"

"Are you sure? You didn't finish your dinner."

"It's okay. Besides, if I eat anymore, I don't think I'll be able to get up if there's a fire tonight."

"I don't understand how you can go running into a burning building. Having to get out of one was bad enough."

He chuckles, "Well, I don't know how you can look at dead people all day."

"I do not look at them all day. In fact, I don't think I saw one today. Anyway, your job is more dangerous."

"Mine? You're the one who chases murderers down… murderers with guns. There aren't any guns involved in my job."

"Just an unstable building that could fall on top of you and kill you. And smoke."

"Okay, I give up; both of our jobs are dangerous," Brendon concedes.

Stella shakes her head at him as he gets out his credit card to pay. "Thank you for dinner. It was good."

"You're welcome," he puts his arm around her waist as they walk out. "Do you want me to drop you off at your apartment?"

"Sure. I can get a ride to work tomorrow morning."

Fifteen minutes later he stops outside her building. "I can walk you up if you want. But I can't stay. I have to get to work."

"That's okay," she leans over to kiss him good night. "Be careful."

"Good night."

"_How was I supposed to know?_

_She was slowly letting go_

_If I was putting her through her hell,_

_Hell, I couldn't tell"_

She opens the door to her apartment, finding Mac on the other side. "What are you doing here? It's getting kind of late." She closes the door behind him.

"Stella…" he sighs, not sure how to begin. "I need you to know something. I was a jerk the other night. You deserved someone a lot better than that. And I'm glad you have… the firefighter."

"Mac, I know you were uncomfortable. You don't have to apologize again."

"Yes, I do. I don't know why I didn't believe you. It was just… I never thought you'd feel that way about me."

Stella interrupts again, "It was inappropriate. I know that. I don't know why I even thought I had a chance with you. Especially since you're Mac and you don't break the rules."

"I think I knew all along how you felt. I was just… denying what it really meant because I didn't want to admit to myself how I felt about you. I didn't want to have to deal with my feelings because I knew we could never be together. And I didn't want to act on the feelings and give you hope when it could never happen."

"I… I understand, Mac. It… just can't happen, even if we both want it to."

Mac gently takes her hand in his. "I just want you to know that… I do love you, Stella. And if we wouldn't get in trouble, I wouldn't mind trying to take our friendship further. But… I can't ask you to leave Brendon. And I can't ask you to leave your job just so we can be together. I don't know that I'd do this job without you beside me."

"I love you too, Mac."

A tear trails down her cheek, and he quickly wipes it away. "Maybe since we can't be more we could… make the most out of our friendship. Maybe… you'd like to have breakfast with me in the morning?"

"Sure, Mac. I… my car's still at the lab though."

"Okay, I'll pick you up at seven-thirty then," he turns to head out the door.

"Good night," she says quietly. "I… thank you for telling me all of this."

Slowly he leans in and gives her a quick kiss on the lips, which he immediately regrets because he wants her more than ever. "I… sorry."

"It's okay. Nobody has to know about it."

"Sweet dreams, Stella," he smiles at her one last time before heading down the hallway.

"_She could've given me a sign_

_And opened up my eyes_

_How was I supposed to see?"_

"Mac, we need to have a talk," Sinclair walks into the detective's office.

"About what?" Mac sighs, not wanting to deal with the chief of detectives.

"I've heard some things about Stella and… the party Saturday."

"How many times do I have to tell you that we went as friends? We're just close friends. Last time I checked, there's nothing wrong with having a best friend of the opposite sex."

"Stella said she loves you."

"No, she didn't," Mac tries to protect her.

"Mac, people overheard your conversation. And you know how people talk around here. I need to hear the story from you."

"I refuse to talk to you. That conversation was personal. Stella and I aren't violating protocol."

"Don't make things more difficult for you and Stella. Just tell me what happened."

Mac shakes his head, rejecting further conversation with the chief of detectives.

Sinclair sighs, "You leave me no choice, Mac." He stands up and walks out of the office and down the hall.

Ten minutes later Stella enters his office. "How did he know?"

"Who know what?" Mac looks up from his paperwork.

"Sinclair knows what I said to you the other night."

"I didn't tell him a thing, Stella."

"Someone did."

"You weren't exactly whispering. It could have been anyone." She sighs, frustrated. "What did he say to you?"

"He told me not to bother… coming to work tomorrow."

"_How was I supposed to see?_

_She never cried in front of me_

_Hell, I couldn't tell…"_

**A/N: So... this is a Toby Keith song. One more chapter to go... I'll post Wednesday, probably in the evening. I'm getting kind of bored... I must go back to reading. Tomorrow I want to finish my book if I don't do so tonight. And I need to work on that scarf that I finally got more yarn for. And I want to start writing my next story. I don't think anything exciting has happened between now and since I posted the first chapter... Well, you guys should be excited for the next chapter. Will they end up together or not? Plus I throw in some more Christmas stuff. Please review. Thanks.**


	3. Rise

**Chapter 3: Rise**

"_I'm not in love_

_I do think I have tried_

_It costs too much_

_I don't have the money or the time"_

"He told you what?" Mac says, astounded.

"He was going to fire you too, but I told him you didn't love me back," she takes a deep breath to calm herself.

"I won't let him do this to you, Stella."

"Mac, what choice do we have? If we talk, I'll still be fired."

"You said you loved me. Since when does that make us in an intimate relationship? They don't have any proof that we are. Because we're not."

"What, you want them to do an IA investigation? How would that prove anything?"

He shrugs, "They can look through the lab security videos and see that nothing's ever happened between us. They can look through the security videos of our apartment buildings and see that we haven't spent more than ten minutes at a time in each other's apartments lately."

"And they can find some way to prove ten minutes is enough time for… And I'm sure the camera in the hallway could see… last night. Plus all the times I've kissed your cheek in the lab… Things aren't looking so good for us."

"Maybe you could have Brendon tell them that you two are dating."

"And they'd just say I was cheating on him. Besides, we've only been dating for… three days."

Mac stands and heads out the door, leaving behind a very confused Stella. Deciding it best not to follow, she stares out the window of his office and thinks about what she will now do with her life.

"'_Caused me to fall apart once or twice_

_It's worse, can lack the beautiful mess_

_In a perfect world we never came_

_Oh, we never left_

_You remember what we were?_

_Do you find out what a kiss is for right before you die?"_

"It's all yours."

"What's all mine?" Stella turns to Mac in confusion as he walks back through the door.

"This. I… I convinced him to let you keep your job if I quit. So… the lab is now in your hands."

"Why on earth did you do that, Mac? I could have found something else to do."

He sighs, "Because it's my fault. If I had addressed your… interest in me when I noticed it instead of ignoring it, you wouldn't have had to tell me that you love me where everyone could hear you."

"Maybe I shouldn't have loved you in the first place," she gives him a small smile.

"You can't help who you fall in love with," Mac smiles back at her.

Danny enters the office, "Are we under suspicion of tampering with evidence or something? I've seen Sinclair three times already, and it's not even eleven yet."

The two older detectives look at each other before looking at him. "I… quit. He wanted to fire Stella so I… quit so she could keep her job," Mac informs him.

"Why's he firing Stella?"

"For… the other night."

"But you two aren't dating. That's ridiculous. We need both of you. There's got to be some way to fight this," Danny says. "What if we all quit if he won't let both of you stay?"

"There's no need for all of you to do that. What if he doesn't care? He can hire an all new team and pay them less, solving part of the budget problem," Stella shakes her head.

"He won't want to have an all new CSI team. Besides, you two are worth the risk. You've done so much for all of us."

"_Just like when you have fallen_

_I will be there when you rise_

_In all kinds of weather_

_I will be there when you rise_

_Oh…"_

"You have a very devoted team," Sinclair tells them. Mac and Stella both nod. "Tell them all that they've proven their point and to return to work tomorrow. As for the two of you… you can both keep your job as long as you swear that you'll never be more than partners."

"Stella and I are perfectly happy as close friends," he says, although he wants to be so much more. But he would beat down his emotions as long as they could still work together.

"You may get back to work now. I trust there's plenty for you all to do after the excitement today."

Once they are out of his office, Stella says, "I never thought their plan would work. We owe them, Mac."

"How about we take them out for dinner?" Mac suggests. "And you can invite Brendon if you want."

"He's working today."

"Maybe some other time then." The couple walks into the lab and notices how deserted it is. "Gee, how many people did Danny get to go along with him?"

When they enter Mac's office, Danny, Lindsay, Hawkes, Sid, Flack, Angell, and Adam are all waiting. "So…" Sheldon prompts.

"Sinclair said you all can return to work tomorrow. Stella and I would like to thank you for helping us. We'd like to take you all out for dinner."

"_I know you're disappointed_

_It's there as long as you let yourself_

_I know that's important_

_It's right when it has always been_

_You remember what we were?_

_Do you find out what regret is for right before you die?"_

Brendon leans over to kiss her as the movie ends. Stella pulls away quickly. They avoid looking at each other for a moment. "Stella -"

At the same time, she says, "Brendon…"

"You first," he delays what he wants to say to her, hoping to find a nice way to state it.

"I… I don't think this is working out. It's just…"

"I agree," he says slowly. "I think we should… end this. But I still want to be friends with you."

"Wait, you agree with me?"

He nods, "You're still in love with him."

"But there's absolutely no way we can be together. I feel bad breaking up with you for someone I can never be with."

"You two are brilliant, but you can't find away to get past the rules?"

"The only solution is one of us giving up our job," Stella explains. "But… part of the reason we both still do this job is because of each other."

"I'm sure you two could manage to be discreet about your relationship."

"We shouldn't have to be discreet. Well, when we're at work, yes. But outside of work… we shouldn't have to be looking over our shoulders for Sinclair or somebody who will tell him."

"I don't have an answer for you."

"I guess I should be going. Thanks for putting up with all of this. I really do care about you, Brendon."

"And I care about you. We just… don't love each other… at least not in that way," he walks her to the door. "Well… whenever you want to talk or hang out or whatever, just call me."

"See you, Brendon," she kisses his cheek.

"_Just like when you have fallen_

_I will be there when you rise_

_In all kinds of weather_

_I will be there when you rise"_

Stella shivers as they walk down the street. "I hate the snow."

Mac laughs and puts his arm around her. "It was your choice to walk through the park to get back to the lab."

"Why didn't you talk me out of it?"

"Because we agreed to avoid all the last minute Christmas shoppers." He stops at a stand on the sidewalk to buy them some hot chocolate. "So… have you finished Christmas shopping yet?"

"Of course not. Christmas is still four days away."

"I assume you'll be spending it with Brendon this year."

She shakes her head, "We… broke up."

"Whose idea was that?"

"It was a mutual agreement."

"So what are you going to do then?"

"On Christmas… I thought we'd spend it together like we normally do. Unless you have other plans."

They had spent every Christmas together since Claire had passed away. "Whose turn is it to cook this year?" he looks at her.

"I think it's your turn," she sips her hot chocolate.

"Are you sure? I think I cooked last year," he frowns at her. She smiles, giving it away. "You liar. Fine, if you want me to cook, I will." He throws his empty cup out and picks up a handful of snow, forming it into a ball.

"Don't you dare throw that at me, Taylor."

"What are you going to do about it?" he taunts.

"_Oh… it's the most peculiar feeling_

_I don't know what's coming_

_After we die_

_Oh… I will be there when you rise"_

"What took you two so long?" Hawkes asks when they get off the elevator.

"Stella insisted we go through the park."

"At this time of year, I'd think walking through the park would be quicker," he comments.

"Someone threw a snowball at me," she glares at Mac, pulling her coat off.

"Flack, Danny, and Lindsay went to process the boyfriend's apartment and question him."

"Okay, why don't you see how Sid is doing with the autopsy? Stella and I will go over the evidence again."

"See you guys later then," Hawkes heads towards the elevators.

The couple heads toward the layout room and puts their lab coats on. They begin to process the victim's clothes again. "I think I've found a hair," Mac takes a pair of tweezers and gently pulls them out of the sweater.

"It's not the victim's. We'll have to figure out what color hair the boyfriend has."

"Can you take it over to Adam and have him run the DNA?"

"Sure." Stella takes the envelope from him. She returns a few minutes later. "Find anything else?"

"Nope."

She studies him as he scrutinizes over the evidence. "Mac…"

He looks up at her. "Yes?"

"I… what are we going to do?"

"_I will remember your pain_

_And your fears_

_Oh, come on_

_Come on, yeah_

_You're still here_

_Every moment that you are"_

"I honestly don't know, Stella."

"I've never felt this strongly about anyone. I can't just ignore it."

"I know. But you heard Sinclair… we'll both be out of a job."

She sighs, "Can't we blackmail him?"

"With what?" he smiles at her.

"I don't see why you're happy, Mac."

"Because you look kind of cute when you're frustrated," he puts his hands on her arms.

She shakes her head gently, "You'd better be careful. He could be watching us."

"I'm sure he has better things to do than follow us around all day, hoping we do something… inappropriate for partners. Or at least I hope he does."

"I love you, Mac," Stella whispers.

He leans in, kissing her. "I love you too."

Hearing footsteps in the hall, they quickly separate. Lindsay sticks her head in, "We found a gun that matches the caliber of the bullet found in the victim. Danny is taking it to ballistics to check striations. We didn't find any prints on it. And Flack brought in the boyfriend."

"Thanks for the update," Mac says.

"Are you two trying to get in trouble again?" she looks at them knowingly. The detectives look at each other. "Don't worry; I won't tell anyone. Just… maybe you should do it somewhere more private where it's less likely someone will find you." She leaves the two alone again.

"I told you," Stella says.

Mac's phone rings. "Taylor. Okay, I'll send Stella. She should be there in twenty minutes," he hangs up.

"Send me where?"

"Robbery. Angell needs a CSI."

"_I grow up_

_I hope to get the hang of this_

_I bleed from six strings_

_I let the truth fall from my lips_

_You remember what we were?_

_Do you find out what a kiss is for right before you die?"_

"Hey," Stella sets down her kit. "What do we have?"

"Owner said a kid came in and took a couple videogames. Described the kid as around fourteen, black, and he was wearing jeans and a dark red sweatshirt."

"Okay," she pulls out her camera. "Could be one of… a couple thousand people? Shouldn't be too difficult to identify him," she says sarcastically.

"The kid didn't have any kind of weapon. He just ran out the door after pulling the games off the shelf when he thought the owner wasn't looking. He had a friend, but he didn't get a good look at him. Didn't think he snatched anything."

Stella looks around, spotting something lying on the floor under a display table. She photographs it before picking it up with a gloved hand. "Wallet. ID belongs to… Jonathan Sinclair, sixteen years old."

"Any relation to the chief of detectives?"

"I'm not sure." She turns to the owner of the store, "Does this look like the boy that robbed you?"

"Yeah, that's him."

"Angell, get an alert out on the kid. I'll call Mac." Stella heads outside and pulls out her cell phone. "Mac, does Sinclair have a son?"

"Yeah, I think so. Why?"

"We think he might be involved in the robbery. A wallet was found on the floor with an ID that says Jonathan Sinclair."

"I'll call Sinclair on my way over."

"Do you think this could help us out? Like if we get the guy not to press charges as long as he gets the merchandise back and we keep it out of the press?"

"It could… But if you ask him, Stel, he'll know we're still interested in each other."

"I think the press would be very interested in whether police department treats all criminals equally no matter who they're connected to."

"_Just like when you have fallen_

_I will be there when you rise_

_In all kinds of weather_

_I will be there when you rise"_

"My wife and I are in the process of separating right now, and it's been particularly hard on our kids. I know that no excuse to steal, but I promise there will be consequences at home. And counseling," Sinclair tells the owner. "I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't press charges. I'll make sure he pays you for the games."

The owner thinks for a few moments, "On one condition: I could use a little help around here. How long is he off of school for?"

"Until the fifth."

"Can you have him come in everyday for say… three hours and help me clean up and restock the shelves?"

"Of course."

"We're closed on Sundays and Christmas and New Years Day. So… we'll wait for him to get here before making final arrangements."

Sinclair turns to Mac and Stella who had finished processing. "What will it take to keep the two of you quiet about this?"

"But I thought that was your mission: to show the public of New York City that connections don't matter; every criminal is treated the same no matter what," Mac glares at him, thinking of the investigation made on him for the death of Clay Dobson.

"Mac… whatever you two want, you can have as long as you keep this out of the media. Just not a pay raise because of the budget."

"We don't want your money," Stella tells him. "Mac and I… we… want to be together without getting in trouble."

He sighs, "Okay… if that's what it takes. But keep your relationship out of the job. I don't want to hear anything about you two being unprofessional on the job."

"_Oh… it's the most peculiar feeling_

_You don't know what's coming_

_After we die_

_Oh… I will be there when you rise"_

"Danny, they're not that stupid," Lindsay tries to tell him.

"What reason would they have to looking up at the doorway? They'll never see it."

Flack shakes his head, "Just keep the rest of our names out of this."

"They're coming," Lindsay motions Danny inside the break room.

Mac and Stella walk down the hallway, deep in conversation. "What time are you coming over tonight?"

"Six? What do we have to do? Put the tree up and watch… watch… Rudolph and Frosty?"

"Okay." The couple turns into the break room, stopping in the doorway. The others tried to hide their chuckling; their bosses were oblivious to the mistletoe above their heads.

"Don't you need to be getting to the airport?" Stella asks Danny and Lindsay.

"Yeah. We're leaving in ten minutes, Montana."

Sheldon comes up behind them, "I've got to be leaving if I'm going to make it to Christmas Eve dinner on time."

"See you in a couple days," Stella says.

"But first, I believe you two have a tradition to follow," Hawkes looks up at the mistletoe.

Mac and Stella follow his gaze. "Danny Messer, how many times have I told you not to put this stuff up in the lab?" Mac glares at the culprit.

"You know, you're kind of insulting Stella if you don't kiss her, Mac."

Stella chuckles, "You guys do know that Sinclair is letting us go out as long as we're professional at work."

"How'd you manage to do that?" Flack frowns at them. "He must have owed you big time."

"His son was involved in a robbery, and he said he'd do anything for us if we kept it out of the media. So… we convinced him to give us permission to date."

"Well, that totally ruins it," Danny sighs; somehow they had managed to dodge the mistletoe every year.

Mac turns to Stella, "We might as well give them a happy ending to tell when they share the story over dinner."

Stella rests her hands on his shoulders and presses her lips to his. "There. Are you guys happy now?"

"_Oh, oh, I will be there when you rise_

_Oh, oh, I will be there when you rise"_

"This movie is so sad," Stella wipes her eyes as Frosty begins to melt.

"Is that why you were in tears that first year we spent Christmas together watching movies?"

"I think that was the first time I ever saw this movie."

He frowns at her, "You were a seriously deprived child."

"I'm sure I missed out on more than just Frosty."

Mac gets up and turns off the lights on the tree. "Santa can't come if you're still awake."

"I guess you're kicking me out now. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Stay here," he says quietly.

"I don't have any clothes to wear."

"I still have some of your clothes from when you used to stay those first few years."

"I… Don't you think it's a little fast?"

"Stel, I'm not asking you to do anything you don't want to. I just… want you to stay here. It's silly for you to go all the way home and come back in the morning," he takes her hands. "You can have my bed, and I'll stay on the couch."

"I can't kick you out of your own bed, Mac. I'll sleep on the couch."

He sighs, "I told you you are difficult."

She smiles, shaking her head at him. "How about we… share the bed? It's not like we haven't slept in the same bed before."

"Okay," Mac agrees. He leads her to the bedroom and digs a pair of her pajamas out of a drawer.

Five minutes later she comes out of the bathroom. She frowns at Mac; he is wearing a Santa hat. "What are you doing?"

"Getting in the holiday spirit."

"If the rest of the team saw you in that, they'd probably think you went crazy," Stella wraps her arms around him neck.

He leans over to kiss her, putting his hands on her waist. "I think this is going to be the best Christmas with you."

"And why is that?" she kisses him again.

"Because I have all I ever wanted right here in front of me."

"Well, in that case… Merry Christmas, Mac," she smiles at him.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Stella."

"_All kinds of weather_

_I will be there when you rise_

_Just like you were fallen down_

_I will be there when you rise"_

**A/N: I hope you all have a merry Christmas. Or I guess I should say happy holidays in case some of you don't celebrate Christmas. The story is now over. I've got another one chapter thing almost done. I might post it next week some time. It involves a cute little orange kitten. Who is a troublemaker. Then I think I'll start a story with Ella in it... She's going to go after Stella. Well... I don't really know what else to say. Bones is on in a few minutes so I must hurry. Thank you for reading. Please review. **


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